In our secretest heart
My Blogger tab has been opened since 3pm and I've done nothing on it but ended up getting distracted on random Disney tumblrs for hours. OHNO. HAHA. I will not succumb to getting a tumblr. But I love those picturesssss of Ariel and Jasmine and Mulan and the Bambi tattoos on the girl's wrist and Peter Pan silhouettes across that girl's back... OMGGG. Okay, no. Will not get one.
Anyhoos, I don't think I wanna go into details about con 2 camp. I guess it was alright after all. I should be more prepared for next year's con camp now. But camp manager? I'm not too sure about that yet.
The kids loved it, well at least I know my class did and I'm so damn happy they enjoyed camp. Y'know it's heartening when you see so many Facebook statuses about how awesome camp was and them asking you when's con 3 camp when you know behind the scenes, what went wrong and what pissed you off. I couldn't stop worrying on the first day, running every where, wondering why the hell we were an hour early for everything and if I went wrong anywhere. But we managed it, and we'll learn from it next year :)
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Bryan and Ally finally came back last week! :D
22 June- Went to pick Bry up with Jeremy and we had dinner with his whole family and Brendan. Haha, Bryan was still the same. Then again how much can one change drastically in 4 months? He exclaimed pretty audibly in Crystal Jade that their dry hor fun was like CAT FOOD. WTSSSSS, BRYAN. Hahahaha.
Rushed to church after dinner and made it for the last 10 mins of session. oh well. Supper at, no prizes for guessing, UPPER THOMSON. ohyeah.
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23 June- Saturday afternoon was shopping with Bryan and Jeremy. Jeremy & I headed to church when Bry had to go off for dinner with his family and guess what Peter Lock abandoned in church? A GUINEA PIG. -.- Heard he cooly left the cute little thing in a box in St Francis without saying a word. Anywayyy, the guinea pig, which we had several names for it, 'Iceberg/Eugene/Titanic' is still in St Frans til now -.- yup. Er, don't ask about the names. Really retarded how we came up with it. Okay, you know what, I'll just say it. Hahaha. Cause it was in an Iceberg (brand of a water co) brand box, and iceberg, Titanic, get the drift? hahaha and Eugene was just random, named after Eugene Wee. HAHAHA. Okay, I just wasted 2 minutes of my life typing that out.
Moving on, dinner with the churchies at OC and I had to leave early to meet Jason, Edmund & Keith while the rest went to CQ for drinks.
Headed to Upper Thomson (AGAIN!) to meet them, and we found an unstable table in Salted Caramel and sat there talking for a good half an hour before buying anything. Ice cream can wait huh. Updates after updates after updates about NS, what Edmund did in Zouk, what happened with B last week, everything. And of course, getting picked on by Jason & Edmund. When does that not happen?
Ed had to go elsewhere and Keith drove us to Sengkang to get something Jason left at his friend's house. They were singing to the songs that were playing and I decided to pick a Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey song which Jason thought were depressing. Haha! We were supposed to go to a park in Sengkang but after driving round and round, both of them started yawning, and mind you it was just half past midnight and I was like,
"Are you guys tired already?! If y'all are reallyyyy tired, we can just go home y'know."
and both of them gave me a death stare 'cause we spent quite a bit of time searching for the park and their expressions told me that I could've suggested going home earlier. HAHAHA. But after like, 30 seconds, Keith asked, "Bro, home?" Jason, "Home, bro." What the. hahaha.
Yups, I thought Keith would send me home first since that's what he always does, but we went past Bishan and he didn't. And my mind was clouded with things I don't know what to say otw home 'cause I knew it was gonna be just us in the car. And I know fer sure, I can't exactly string a sentence with him. Okay, maybe I can, but to hold a conversation for more than 15 minutes with him? I couldn't promise myself that. Hell yeah, I still get the head over heels jitters with him.
The car ride back was actually pretty alright, surprisingly. We spoke about school, how life is passing by really quickly for me, what I wanna do in the future, about church and him claiming he's really a boring person whose life revolves around NS, music, and cooking pasta. But that's not at all boring, music's your passion and it's attractive how dedicated you can be; you're much more than just boring, m'dear, and I hope you know it.
It was verging on a heart-to-heart talk 'cause I finally came clean about how often I club and he asked a pretty sensitive question whether I went to forget or just to have fun. I wasn't about to explain everything in detail, probably save it for the next time. But it was easy, guess all I had to do was to be honest. Cause honestly, I told Jason before how I didn't want him to know how often I club and drink and yeah. I know I'm not that hardcore, but it's still pretty scary for someone who used to club twice a year to someone who clubs every month now.
And then, he played 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas'. Probably the highlight of the ride, strangely. Puzzled, I asked him why he chose that and he replied with an, "I love Christmas." And I suppose the lyrics were kinda apt after the conversation we had :) Moreover, Christmas songs tend to have a calming effect on me. I don't think you know what you did, but thank you.
He sent me right to my block, gave him a hug in the car and left.
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24 June- Monday was a full day event as well. Bryan's really peculiar, and that's what makes him who he is. He did some 'friendception' that day. Met Jeremy and I to repair his laptop at Wheelock and left us to meet another friend for lunch while we were stressing over the lack of space in Jeremy's thumbdrive for all of Bry's stuff to be transferred in. I'd kill him if I didn't have the whole day but I did, so what the heck. Haha. Just loitered around that area with Jeremy and I even crashed into an escalator 'cause I got excited with a nail polish parlour!
After 2 hours or so, Bryan finally came back and the shopping began once more. haha. Seriously walked all around town. To see guitars, shoes, clothes, shoes, shoes and more shoes. Aloy joined us at Takashimaya around 5 and Bryan finally settled on a Lacoste pair of shoes. And they say women are fussy shoppers!
Dinner was with Ally & Gen! :D
Sorry Gen! We completely forgot about taking photos :( Only cause we were bored at J8 stoning, that Ally decided to instagram us. Hehe.
Anyway, dinner was at Marmalade Pantry 'cause our GOH wanted ceasar salad. Gen & I shared mushroom risotto and a slice of lemon meringue cake! That stupid girl ate all the spongey parts and left me with the ultra sweet meringue! I know I have a sweet tooth, but that was way too sweet! I ate til my tongue went numb! Hahaha right.
Walked around town, once again. To Ngee Ann's Cold Storage 'cause Gen needed to get stuff and then Ally had her virgin trip to A&F! The clothes were pretty but way too ex. oh well!
Lepak-ed at Coffeebean and talk talk talk :) IJ girls. we talk a lot.
Muahhh. Love y'all. We'll meet for dinns again with Nic & Fiona this time. And with Jam in spirit. haha.
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Meeting the churchies for dinns tomorrow :) and perhaps a couple of drinks! Hehe.
GOOOOODNIGHT!
The night is telling us we're way too young.
The past two weeks' been crazily hectic. Been terribly busy meeting up with friends from poly, Franchi's return to SG, Trini's birthday, sending Jam off, church and on top of that, my bathrooms at home are under renos! Which means extra dust, extra chores :( bummer.
2 June- Finally met Daryl, Nate & KX for a quiet dinner three weeks ago at Holland V. Unusual group? Yeah, but I used to hang with them a lot more before I started hanging with my Hotshots. Long story how that happened, but I'm not going there :) So dinner was at 211 Roof Terrace Cafe, which belongs to Daryl's mum, and it was my first time there. Haha all the times they went back in poly, I was always unable to make it. We ordered goulash soup, pasta, seafood risotto (why did I do that, I hate seafood -.-), and of course, beer. As usual, the guys had their NS talk, AGAIN. While I just sat there going into screensaver mode. But it's okay, I'm not complaining. Just finding it amusing how I always find myself in such conversations. Dinner was on Daryl that night, thanks dude :) Will treat you to beer the next time, like I promised!
They're still the same when I knew them 3, 4 years ago. 'Cept that they're physically toned now with more defined jawlines, and obviously, way shorter hair. Never looked better. Daryl kept me entertained with his silly stories of how he's gonna woo a girl, KX perpetually had the same look painted on the whole night with the occassional twinkle in his eye during gossips, and Nate, forever picking on me with his sarcasm. I suck at detecting sarcasm which made it even funnier. haha.
KX had to leave early so it was just down to three of us strolling along HV. Decided to have ice cream from Daily Scoop but it was so effing crowded, wait, everywhere was effing crowded, so we just ordered takeaway. Landed up at the hawker centre, erm, drinking, againnnn. I couldn't finish my beer so Daryl gladly gulped mine down. HAHA! and sheesh, those two never give up when it came to my love life. Stupid Daryl kept giggling like a little girl while trying to fish gossip about me. HAHAHA. what a sucker.
Daryl left, and it was just Nate, his friend and I. Yeah his St Pat's friend came over 'cause they were all heading to Wala Wala and Nate, being ever so giving and gentlemanly, told me I could stay if I wanted to. Which I did, made a couple of aquaintances and had a wonderful night :) Rock wasn't my type of music, but what can I do. Who listens to country here? :( haha. Refused to drink anymore so I opted for a glass of water instead. Listened to their fav band playing, joked around and even talked about school and the local music scene. Had a short convo with Nate about J & K & S and whoever, and well, I'm confused. But no way am I going into sisterhood, monmon :) haha. thanks for the night nonetheless.
7 June- Franchi came back t'day! :D Had steamboat at Crystal Jade with him, Cheryl and Jeremy. And boy, I'm not gonna have steamboat with Franchi ever! Hahaha. That toot ordered practically everything on the menu. We had like FIVE different types of mushrooms! and I don't know how we ate that much, but we did. Ended up taking some broccoli out of CJ, for fun.
Brendan met us at TPC after dinns and we headed down to Upper Thomson, for ice cream and what not. We ended up buying ice cream AND drinks and slacked around the park next to Holy Spirit again :) I think it's gonna be our new haunt.
That round thingamajig, is what we call the Spinning Wheel of Death, did I get it right? haha anyway, it's hell spinning on that thing, seriously. omg. I thought playgrounds were supposed to be child-friendly?! haha! We ended the night by playing Truth or Dare on the sit-ups board and on 410W, home I go :)
8 June- Woke up slightly late, rushed to meet Josh at J8 for lunch. I had lunch, he had sucky coffee from Subway. Sorry, clanky! I didn't want S11 anymore. ha. Lunch was... alright. I don't know, tried my best to sound as cheerful as possible and both of us acted as if Monday night didn't happen but I guess that's just the way we roll.
Rushed, again, to meet Mel in Bishan MRT 'cause the Hotshots were finally meeting up! And for bowling this time :) Haven't seen Melvin since my birthday! I swear, he never fails to make me laugh at his witty comebacks to us with a straight face.
Went to Yishun Safra; had to wait for a lane so we sat at a cosy corner and started playing Heart Attack with Melv's poker cards! Freaking memories from Year 3! I missed them. I see Cheok and Mel pretty often, Shiyi too actually. But this was us in NYP, and this is us again.
Bowling was extremely enjoyable. First round was a trial run and the second one, which we drew lots for our teams was a competition. Haha. Loser treats winner.
Shiyi didn't have a flair in bowling, at all. We drew lots and she ended up with Melv and the three of us were together. Anyway, after bouts of laughter and endless encouragement, we obviously won. Okay, it was almost fair cause Melvin's as good as Mel and I combined. haha! So thank you for the Milo ice cream, da ge! ;)
Mel & Shiyi left for their evening plans and Jacky met us for dinner. Dinner was at J8's Manhattan Fish Market. It was a good catching up session that night :)
I left for church to meet the churchies for supper at Upper Thomson, again! Hahaha. Had Meng's and slacked at our new haunt again til midnight.
9 June- Freaking long day for me. Con 2 camp briefing in the morning and *yawns* How did I get up before 9.30AM on a weekend? Scratch that, how did I get up before 9.30AM? Ended before noon, had breakfast at Macs and headed home to catch an hour of sleep before dragging myself out for driving lesson and dinner with the churchies.
I was so looking forward to our after dinner plans which was to drink somewhere or/and club! Some of us went to Holiday Inn to get bottles and the rest had a headstart to Clarke Quay. We gotta find good spots on the bridge! haha.
Something bloody epic and retarded happened at Somerset while heading towards Dhoby. Jon had to top up his card but all of us were already inside. So we had to wait for Jon, right? And thennnn after a while, Franchi called Aloy to ask us where we were and that was when we realised that he wasn't with us cause apparently he ran downstairs first and caught the train that just arrived. HAHAHA. Like, did he not realise we weren't in the train at all? It's freaking funny how he only called us after he alighted at Dhoby, ALONE. HAHAHAHA.
Yups, hahah. What followed later in the night was really awesome. I don't know. The night was young, the energy in CQ and within our group was just great, that group of people in blue made it so much livelier, dares were performed, I know I was laughing a lot and everyone just seemed so happy and carefree. I loved it.
We played some usual drinking games which was really funny. Haha. Finished the bottle of Cointreau really quickly. Damn, I like that. haha! Eugene kept reminding himself that he had to serve 9.45AM mass the next day. Hahaha.
Eugene, Edward & Meredith left, well, two out of three are underaged. We planned to go to Helipad to continue the night. Made Franchi accompany me to the toilet and when I came out, that toot was lying on the massage chair!
"What the shit? Okay, let's go back."
"Ehhh wait, still got 6 more minutes!"
"Ehhh wait, still got 6 more minutes!"
WTF. HAHAHA. I didn't expect him to waste money on that thing!
"I asked you to wait for me, not use the massage chair!"
5 minutes later, the rest came to meet us and I remembered v clearly that there was HALF a bottle of rum left and who on earth finished it? JEREMY LAU. Yes, we were supposed to go back to help them but LAU finished the entire thing! And he was pretty much gone when they found us. Hahaha.
Heli was effing crowded! What happened in there was kinda blurry for me already. HEHE. The music was great to say the least. And I got stabbed in the foot by some very tipsy girl's heel when she literally fell off the podium. Couldn't you fall somewhere else or at least on someone your own size? :(
2.30AM and we were outside, sitting around the carpark watching Lau. Yep, he was gone. Hahaha. I was getting real sleepy and lazy. And by 2.45AM, called it a night and all of us headed home in separate cabs :)
13 June- Jam & Victor came over for lunch today! Mummy cooked steak and Daddy was being effing funny the whole time! Daddy was educating Victor on how we use Singlish and WTF is "YA MEH?!" HAHAHAHAH.
Dinner with half of YC at Jian Dao Jian after their camp. And Aloy, Jeremy, Eugene & I saw Franchi off at the airport :) See you in December!
Dinner with half of YC at Jian Dao Jian after their camp. And Aloy, Jeremy, Eugene & I saw Franchi off at the airport :) See you in December!
14 June- AHAHA. I seriously don't know what to say 'bout tonight. Had supper with B at Upper Thomson (AGAINNN!) and the rest of the time was just spent in his car talking. RRRIGHT. I wanted to go home pretty badly but Idk what to say. HAHAHA. Weirddd night, weird night.
15 June- POOPY LEFT FOR BOSTON :'( But before we get to that, Nic and I got freaking lost in Changi Beach/Village area for 1 and a half hour looking for Aloha Changi. Trini's pink themed birthday was held so freaking far awayyyy. We didn't stay long 'cause we had to rush to the airport to see Jamie off.
Poopy teared before she left. Hehe. Please take perfectly good care of yourself over there alright. This is probably the first time either of us is going away for so long. Sigh. I'll miss you very, very much. Thank God for whatsapp- I'll still text you R-rated stuff and random nonsense. HAHAHA. Study hard, play hard and shop hard while you're there. STAY SAFE, please. I want you back in one piece. Til then, I love you and bon voyage! (K)(K)(K)
Alrightyroo, kangaroo. I guess I'm done fer now! :) Didn't expect myself to have so much to say. hahaha. Will blog about con 2 camp in my next post.
"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal." -Mother Teresa
I believe this holds some truth?
So no drinking or clubbing this week. 4 times last week was pretty scary. Binge drinking is harmful, Ariel! It's not as if I like beer as much as I like my Ribena.
Well, I've been trying my best to feel okay, I'm not aiming for fantastic yet, just, okay. I'm still struggling, I know there're other people who're having it worse, but it's my blog so I'm allowed to be self-centered here :)
Last Tuesday was baaad. Cuscaden with my uni friends aka The Clique, then hopped to another bar in town with Tilly 'cause his friend was working there. Okay, don't get me wrong, the company was great, it was what followed after drinking that sucked.
I came home at 2am, and who knew my parents would be hiding in different corners of the house to catch me when I'm high/drunk, I tried my best to act as sober as possible (which I failed v miserably) and then I found myself bawling my eyes out on the kitchen top for hours. I hate this so much. I found comfort in scribbling in my diary and talking to S. Oh the irony. I used to cry over S, talked to J once or twice when he stayed over at my place but now I'm crying over J and talking to S. Someone explain to me how this happened? Hm.
S accompanied me for an hour and a half. Bittersweet, yeah. That's it. It's hard to hate someone for so long. I can't do it. Refused to sleep 'cause I didn't want swollen eyelids, what a stupid reason not to sleep. But I did anyway, and had swollen eyelids anyway.
So we've stopped texting since Saturday and I don't know what to feel about it. Missing him? A little. It sucks but yeahhhh. We'll always be friends and it'll start again sometime.
I'm thankful for my best friends, churchies, uni & poly friends, family and S for being there when I needed them.
Been really busy with activities after that night, which I'm also grateful for. It helped elevate my mood and I'll def blog about them, just not tonight.
Sigh. Okay, I need some perk-me-ups now. Lizzie McGuire, here I come!
P.S. Les just attempted to make me read today's mass readings and then share about it. Don't so hardcore la, Les :)
Cause there ain't no greater distance than eighteen inches from your head to your heart.
I've never felt this melancholic in quite a while and I only have myself to thank for. Been holding it together since mid May and it's about time I let it out and let 'em tears flow. I can't bottle it anymore. It feels like I'm reliving a part of my life from last year. I don't even know it myself, how is it possible to be making the exact mistake twice?
You're gonna break your new squeeze's heart, and I dare say she's a v nice girl. And I feel terrible for her not knowing the stuff you have/had going on with her, her, her, her, and me. B is coming back soon and what'll happen to me when she's back? Back to how we were couple of months before 2012 started, I suppose? Why was I even okay with this to begin with. Lord knows.
I'd like to know what's going on in that mind of yours. I've done this before in person and it didn't go well and I'm not about to do it again. I only have that much courage.
And right now, pretending that nothing happened during the past two months and on Friday night is just making it awkward for me. I can't do this, how do you do this. Maybe you should've thought twice before doing what you did with me 'cause now you realise that you're stuck with someone who's so insistent on knowing what's going on but daren't ask. Ugh. And ends up texting you half the day.
"Isn't it time to give up?", "You really want company, you'll have to find it beyond him.",
"You deserve more than this.", so they say.
I've heard these so many times. How do I know how much I deserve when I've committed my fair share of sins? Maybe I deserved this too? What kills me is not knowing how much of a friend I am to you.
You're sharp, you know what I'm feeling sometimes. And you ask if I wanna talk about it just because you know I'm affected by something you did/didn't do and I'm not sure if you really wanted to know how I felt just because... you cared. I tried being the friend I could be for you, honestly, I did. To think I was able to feel that much and bother that much. This'll always be a cycle/phase, hmm?
If you're honest enough as a friend, if you care enough about me as a friend, maybe it's time to explain what's been going on? You gotta figure this out eventually, lovely. It stings v painfully that I always end up acting like it didn't hurt me when it does. If you think I'm okay now, truth is I'm really not.
With all that said, I'm still gonna keep this friendship for a long time- please don't take advantage?