Tuesday, June 05, 2012 @2:48 AM
Cause there ain't no greater distance than eighteen inches from your head to your heart.
I've never felt this melancholic in quite a while and I only have myself to thank for. Been holding it together since mid May and it's about time I let it out and let 'em tears flow. I can't bottle it anymore. It feels like I'm reliving a part of my life from last year. I don't even know it myself, how is it possible to be making the
exact mistake twice?
You're gonna break your new squeeze's heart, and I dare say she's a v nice girl. And I feel terrible for her not knowing the stuff you have/had going on with her, her, her, her, and me. B is coming back soon and what'll happen to me when she's back? Back to how we were couple of months before 2012 started, I suppose? Why was I even okay with this to begin with. Lord knows.
I'd like to know what's going on in that mind of yours. I've done this before in person and it didn't go well
and I'm not about to do it again. I only have that much courage.
And right now, pretending that nothing happened during the past two months and on Friday night is just making it awkward for me. I can't do this, how
do you do this. Maybe you should've thought twice before doing what you did with me 'cause now you realise that you're stuck with someone who's so insistent on knowing what's going on but daren't ask. Ugh. And ends up texting you half the day.
"Isn't it time to give up?", "You really want company, you'll have to find it beyond him.",
"You deserve more than this.", so they say.
I've heard these
so many times. How do I know how much I deserve when I've committed my fair share of sins? Maybe I deserved this too? What kills me is not knowing how much of a friend I am to you.
You're sharp, you know what I'm feeling sometimes. And you ask if I wanna talk about it just because you know I'm affected by something you did/didn't do and I'm not sure if you really wanted to know how I felt just because... you cared. I tried being the friend I could be for you, honestly, I did. To think I was able to feel that much and bother that much. This'll always be a cycle/phase, hmm?
If you're honest enough as a friend, if you care enough about me as a friend, maybe it's time to explain what's been going on? You gotta figure this out eventually, lovely. It stings v painfully that I always end up acting like it didn't hurt me when it does. If you think I'm okay now, truth is I'm really not.
With all that said, I'm still gonna keep this friendship for a long time- please don't take advantage?