Sunday, August 05, 2012 @4:19 AM
Sometimes you gotta lose til you win...
There's nothing more disappointing and painful when you find out truths about certain someones, from someone else. And I'm not exactly worried about how credible the truths are 'cause the sources, they're reliable enough.
I should've just left it as it was from the start. It couldn't have been anything even though we get along just fine; it's just that I've never really connected with him emotionally. We're hardly even on the same page. I can't talk to him about John Mayer, I don't know why a guitar has 4 strings instead of the usual 6, what's the deal about an Aston Martin. And he definitely can't talk to me about how amazing Lady Antebellum & Miranda Lambert are, why Disney renamed 'Rapunzel' to 'Tangled' or understand how much I'm dying to watch Brave.
Funny how almost exactly two years ago, I had the same setback and nothing much have changed since then.
Yeah, I'm sad. As much as I said I'll be okay with it, there's always that first few hours of feeling crappy and just wanting to down any form alcohol. I just came back from Jason's 21st party and thank God, I didn't say anything I'll regret. If only he was less sweeter. But he had to tell me to make sure Edmund sends me home and told Jason not to leave me alone 'cause he was the only one I knew at the chalet. ugh. Okay, it wasn't anything spectacular but I can't help it alright.
Secondly, this one's a tougher one. It's the second time he's coming back. And it's the second time I'm accepting it. What's it that he's feeling? Is he here to stay? Does he even want to? I thought it was suppose to be clearer each time it ends but this just gets blurer and blurer and I'm pretty much unable to discern what I'm doing now. But y'know what, I've got time and I'll see how things go when he gets back.
So...
Play on or move on?
...It's alright, it's alright, it's alright- it will be alright again.